Am I overreacting or not?
Today my mom and I had planned to go to a nice little restaurant, with family friends, for breakfast. This was an engagement we had with this friends to have a late celebration of Dia de la Candelaria.
Well, Dia de la Candelaria, in Mexico, means eating tamales and atole which is what we were going to be doing today, supposedly.
Let me give you a background story about one particular behavior of this family so you can see my point later. They have an only child, who was born when her mom was close to 35 and his dad was over 50. This child, Maria, is now 22; and is a lovely girl, except for the fact that she is a spoiled brat.
Most of the times, when we reunite, we visit a relative of my late grandma who is a friend of theirs too. They always offer to drive us to my aunt's house which is something they did when my grandma was alive so they always come buy and pick us at our house.
When we are going to visit my aunt they always say at what time they are going to pick us, but lately they call last minute with some stupid excuse to ask us to go over their house so we can leave from there. Don't think that I get upset because they aren't coming to my front door to pick us. I perfectly understand they are more than polite to offer the ride but I feel is rude to cancel at the very last minute and change plans. Last time my aunt was feeling unwell but wanted us to have lunch with her so my mom offered to cook and take the food there hoping my aunt could rest and recover quickly.
What happened is that Susana (Maria's mom) said she was going to come by around 1:30pm but she called AT 2:20pm (yup, 50 minutes later) to say that her husband (Maria's dad) was already late (he is a surgeon which provides a perfect excuse) and that she wanted to try a new shortest route to my aunt's so it was better if we departed from their house. I thought it was rude because she knew we were taking the food which was already packed to be just put in to the car and go. With the new plans we needed to change the trays to lighter ones which involved more time. She asked us to be at her house around 2:30pm (10 minute later after her call). Their house is not that far from ours but it's a 15 minute ride at least. Anyway, why didn't she call earlier? I told my mom that instead of taking a taxi to their house it was better to go directly to my aunt's. My aunt's house is a 45-60 minute ride but it was better to do just one ride than two because taking trays, bottles and plates from one car to other was a waste. Mom said no, why? Because it was rude from OUR part to do so.
Well, today we were going to a tamal restaurant in my neighborhood. I know Maria hates tamales so I was already suspecting the breakfast was not going to take place there but when I told my mom about my feeling she said I have a dark negative mind. Anyway, because my mom is having a bad time with her knees they offered to give us a ride to the restaurant. I argued with my mom about accepting the ride. Considering what happened last time I wasn't thrilled to accept anything from them, but mom had already said yes and she thought it was rude to decline their offer just then. I think mom was right about it though.
They were going to come around 9:30am but around 9:20 Susana called to say her husband was running late (again) and that they were going to be 20 minutes late. Five minutes later she called again, I picked the phone this time, and she told me "Maria doesn't want to eat tamales so do you mind going to this other restaurant?" I was tempted to say "I want tamales and so does my mom, what if we go to the original place, if Maria is hungry she can have a glass of milk or hot chocolate" of course I didn't said that. I said we didn't mind. She said that as the new place was closer to my house we could meet there in 10 minutes.
Don't you think that's rude? I'm sure that if I were Maria my mom wouldn't have allowed me to change the plans just because I didn't want to eat tamales. In the first place, mom would have chosen a different place right from the beginning and if it was a Dia de la Candelaria celebration my mom would have applied the policy my grandma had. If you don't like the food you have two options: Eat it without breathing or ask for a glass of water instead.
The most irritating thing is that I was able to figure out why we didn't have breakfast at the tamal place. The new chosen place was the restaurant of a department store (such as Liverpool or Sears) and Maria was running out of her very expensive Dior eye cream (her words not mine). Also, the resident Dior make up artist offers her a free facial when she purchases something from the brand. So, the real reason was that Maria needed to go to this department store so she manipulated her mom to change the family's engagements to suit her needs. Also, she told me they were late because she had to woke up earlier than her normal weekend schedule (she wakes around noon) so she was the last one to get up therefore the lateness.
I asked my mother to decline any offering of car ride from now on, I rather take a taxi than be left wondering if they will change plans at the last minute. I also asked my mother to decline any reunion taking place at a restaurant, specially if my aunt is not invited or is not involved in any way. When my aunt is involved they may be late but they would never change plans. They seem to respect my aunt more than they respect us. Susana seems to be more likely to change plans, specially if it suits her daughter's needs, only if this affects my mom and I; they spare others of their behavior. They say that we are like family so they feel comfortable enough with us.
I don't care if they feel comfortable with us, I think that some of the things they do are rude and have nothing to do with trust or comforting levels. I understand that things happen, many are inevitable, but they change plans just because they don't have the discipline to arrive when they said they were going to or because is a hassle to do something they offer to do. If they feel like that then don't offer any help, period.
Do you think I'm being too judgmental?